My New Gig

So, I've kind of abandoned this blog. Obviously.

I'm surprised you're even reading this.

Get over to my new blog, called Man Eat Food. It's about me and food: things I like to cook, things I like to eat, places I go, and how ingesting things generally affects my life.

I think you'll dig it.

I write things

Let's get this out of the way. Yes, I haven't posted in more than a month. Yes, I'm lame.

Then again, I haven't seen public outcries for my return ... although I like to think Iran's capturing of 15 British sailors was because those nuclear-loving aggressors just love my blog and were outraged at my laziness.

Anywho, on to the task at hand, which is basically self-advertisement. I've done several interviews for my friend Jon's website, www.thecheappop.com.

You should definitely check out the site, but pay particular attention to my two Heroes interviews with Jimmy Jean-Louis (the Haitian) and James Kyson Lee (Ando).

http://thecheappop.com/interviews.html#jimmy

Read them, love them. And come back here to ask me questions.

Pardon me, do you have any decency?

Lost during all this craziness about Anna Nicole Smith was the fact that the guy from those Grey Poupon commercials died.

Surely this dapper gentleman deserves a better tribute. I raise my mustard to you, whatever your real name is. You're a true American hero ... even though you're British.

Dreamweaver

I work with graphic designers. They use a lot of computer programs with odd names like Acrobat, Photoshop and Quark. But there's one program that makes me happy every time I hear its name mentioned.

Dreamweaver.

I doubt I'm the only one that can't hear this name without thinking of the scene in Wayne's World where time slows down as Wayne watches Cassandra perform. My mind compusively runs back to that perfect music:

"Oooooooh, dream weaver, I believe you can get me through the night!"

Unlike the song, however, I don't think a web design program can, indeed, get me through the night.

That's Ambien's job.

Obvious things are new to me

Walking to the train today, I noticed something that I'd never really considered before:

Invariably, most people walk around with their mouths open.

Of course, I don't mean fully open, mid-yawn. Just a little bit of separation at the lips, not tight shut.

Is there a reason for this?

Maybe, subconciously, we all fear the very remote possibility of our lips fusing together and never being able to eat again. Or, maybe that's just my fear.

Window wiping is fascinating

Does anybody else get mesmerized by the swirly patterns that window wipers make when they clean windows?

Something in my brain is still fascinated by how a soapy window becomes sparkling clean after a squeegee passes over it.

I can literally watch this for hours.

The lady behind me is crazy

Seriously, this chick is certifiably nuts.

And let me tell you, when there's someone crazy sitting behind you, rather than next to you, you are in a much better position to assess their mental instability.

When she sat next to me - in two memorable instances that I'd rather have wiped from my brain - I was simply too frightened to comprehend her ramblings. She has a good 100 lbs. on me and I lapsed into New York crazy person defense mode (or NYCPM) - do not move an inch, pretend to read your book, and make contingency plans for when they attack.

I didn't think I'd have to use NYCPM while on a suburban light rail line in Pennsylvania, but things happen.

When she sat down behind me (and, by the way, I never looked to see who it was; I just knew), I felt at least a little relieved that she had found a seat all her own. But then, being free of her, I was able to really hone in on the conversation. Here's a little piece:

Oh, you're a good girl. Good girl, yes. Who's there? Daddy? Oh, no Mommy. Mommy won't like that. No. Good girl.

I wish I had a recorder. It was kind of like Gollum, if he had the voice of that weird little woman from Poltergeist.

This shit really doesn't help my commute.