We Make Clouds

My New Gig

2007-09-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

So, I've kind of abandoned this blog. Obviously.

I'm surprised you're even reading this.

Get over to my new blog, called Man Eat Food. It's about me and food: things I like to cook, things I like to eat, places I go, and how ingesting things generally affects my life.

I think you'll dig it.

I write things

2007-04-06T06:48:00.000-07:00

Let's get this out of the way. Yes, I haven't posted in more than a month. Yes, I'm lame.

Then again, I haven't seen public outcries for my return ... although I like to think Iran's capturing of 15 British sailors was because those nuclear-loving aggressors just love my blog and were outraged at my laziness.

Anywho, on to the task at hand, which is basically self-advertisement. I've done several interviews for my friend Jon's website, www.thecheappop.com.

You should definitely check out the site, but pay particular attention to my two Heroes interviews with Jimmy Jean-Louis (the Haitian) and James Kyson Lee (Ando).

http://thecheappop.com/interviews.html#jimmy

Read them, love them. And come back here to ask me questions.

Pardon me, do you have any decency?

2007-02-17T11:48:00.000-08:00

Lost during all this craziness about Anna Nicole Smith was the fact that the guy from those Grey Poupon commercials died.

Surely this dapper gentleman deserves a better tribute. I raise my mustard to you, whatever your real name is. You're a true American hero ... even though you're British.

Dreamweaver

2007-02-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

I work with graphic designers. They use a lot of computer programs with odd names like Acrobat, Photoshop and Quark. But there's one program that makes me happy every time I hear its name mentioned.

Dreamweaver.

I doubt I'm the only one that can't hear this name without thinking of the scene in Wayne's World where time slows down as Wayne watches Cassandra perform. My mind compusively runs back to that perfect music:

"Oooooooh, dream weaver, I believe you can get me through the night!"

Unlike the song, however, I don't think a web design program can, indeed, get me through the night.

That's Ambien's job.

Obvious things are new to me

2007-02-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

Walking to the train today, I noticed something that I'd never really considered before:

Invariably, most people walk around with their mouths open.

Of course, I don't mean fully open, mid-yawn. Just a little bit of separation at the lips, not tight shut.

Is there a reason for this?

Maybe, subconciously, we all fear the very remote possibility of our lips fusing together and never being able to eat again. Or, maybe that's just my fear.

Window wiping is fascinating

2007-01-31T09:33:00.000-08:00

Does anybody else get mesmerized by the swirly patterns that window wipers make when they clean windows?

Something in my brain is still fascinated by how a soapy window becomes sparkling clean after a squeegee passes over it.

I can literally watch this for hours.

The lady behind me is crazy

2007-01-30T10:46:00.000-08:00

Seriously, this chick is certifiably nuts.

And let me tell you, when there's someone crazy sitting behind you, rather than next to you, you are in a much better position to assess their mental instability.

When she sat next to me - in two memorable instances that I'd rather have wiped from my brain - I was simply too frightened to comprehend her ramblings. She has a good 100 lbs. on me and I lapsed into New York crazy person defense mode (or NYCPM) - do not move an inch, pretend to read your book, and make contingency plans for when they attack.

I didn't think I'd have to use NYCPM while on a suburban light rail line in Pennsylvania, but things happen.

When she sat down behind me (and, by the way, I never looked to see who it was; I just knew), I felt at least a little relieved that she had found a seat all her own. But then, being free of her, I was able to really hone in on the conversation. Here's a little piece:

Oh, you're a good girl. Good girl, yes. Who's there? Daddy? Oh, no Mommy. Mommy won't like that. No. Good girl.

I wish I had a recorder. It was kind of like Gollum, if he had the voice of that weird little woman from Poltergeist.

This shit really doesn't help my commute.

eBay sucks

2007-01-26T14:55:00.000-08:00

What the hell happened to this place?!

I go away for a year or two (or three) and suddenly I can't sell squat. I know I don't have the most quality goods around (some magazines, a hat - both collectible) but I put these things up at bargain basement prices and I can't get so much as a bid.

Has eBay sold out?

Methinks this is the case. I don't see normal people selling things anymore; it's all "shops" and people who do it as a business and have the whole thing automated and templatized. That's not how eBay is supposed to work.

I thought the idea was that it would be a grand flea market, a kind of auction house for and by us common folks. Somewhere along the line, eBay became just another sales channel (but specialized for retailers who like to work in pajamas instead of at a store).

And that sucks. Nobody wants to bother with auctions anymore and the little guy can't compete on price. Thus, my junk doesn't sell. Thus, my junk clutters my apartment. Thus, I cannot move.

eBay, you broke my heart. And my wallet.

Goodbye.

Eric Clapton is a bell curve

2007-01-24T07:53:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm not too good with the picture thing. I could probably use some Photoshop skills.

But on to the topic at hand ...

I had just finished the last disc of the Eric Clapton box set, when I realized:

"There's nothing worse than latter-day Eric Clapton."

It's true: the man has gone from guitar god to R&B mess in a few short decades. I have no idea how to really plot a bell curve, but by the above picture, I figure he's just about at +25. If he attempts anymore music, especially anymore reggae or pop, he's doomed.

Just for reference, I'd put his high point (X) at Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs in 1970, with his Cream years just before it on the ascent. The descent, I believe was much slower, but has really taken on steam in the past few years, during which he reconvened Cream as an attempt to regain his mojo.

I'd love to really get in to this chart and make it a little more accurate to Clapton's overall arch, but my nerdiness is currently at its ebb and I will leave the task to someone with more free time, more skills, and more readers.

Conference Room Envy

2007-01-22T12:54:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, during the course of my job, I get to travel to new and exotic locales in Pennsylvania. These are always office parks.

And within these office parks are offices, some of which I will visit.

And within these offices, I will probably see a handful of rooms, only one of which I will actually get to spend any time in: The Conference Room.

Today, I was in a nice one. Automatic screen, big oak table, nice comfy chairs and big windows to the outside world (i.e. some trees in a parking lot).

It was much nicer than the one at our office and I found myself daydreaming about spending all of my time in this den of business leisure. I wondered if I could live a whole year in just this one room - eating, sleeping, delivering powerpoint presentations on nothing.

Eventually, I was forced to leave the conference room. But it will always haunt my dreams.

TV is torture

2007-01-16T12:01:00.000-08:00

I'm not the most conservative guy on the block, but something's a little wrong when our designated national hero (Jack Bauer, natch) viscerally rips into the neck of a baddie, killing him, and spits out a piece of said neck into a bloody mess on the floor.

At 8:30 on a Sunday night.

I realize network TV has to compete with cable, but seriously. 24 is literally one "fuck" away from an HBO show.

Keep in mind, this is the same network - Fox - that was forced to put a disclaimer on the OC when it showed just a little too much teenage sex and not enough teenage consequences. (Remember, kids, you'll only get pregnant if you're the hispanic chick from the bad neighborhood!)

So, I'm asking nicely ... can we cool it with the snuff-film antics and just concentrate on the action? Pretty please with a finger hacksaw on top?

Things that should not be ...

2007-01-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

I don't ever want to hear the following again on a Tuesday following a Monday holiday that I didn't have off:

"So, ya have a nice weekend? What'd ya do yesterday?"

It makes my Tuesday feel like Monday again, and that's something nobody appreciates.

Steve Jobs is an automaton

2007-01-10T06:40:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to figure this out. Does Steve Jobs wear the same semi-turtleneck black shirt for every Apple announcement, or does he have a million of the same one?

Steve Jobs may be like a superhero. He's got this secret closet, hidden behind the fireplace, that holds about a hundred hangers with those black shirts. Some are battle-damaged, others are thermal (ya know, for arctic action), but most are just his signature uniform.

The other option is that Steve Jobs - or who we believe to be Steve Jobs - is nothing more than a robot decoy. The real Steve Jobs hatched this scheme whereby he would wear the same basic costume out in public, easing the visual transition from real human to PR android.

Meanwhile, the real Steve Jobs (if he even exists!) is living like some techy hermit, high in the mountains of Tibet, trying to figure out how to hardwire an iPod into your brain.

Or maybe, this Steve Jobs robot is a sophisticatead prototype of the next generation Apple product. And one day soon, Steve Jobs will walk out on that stage with nothing in his hands and simply peel off his face and present ...

The iSteve.

The Power Rangers are still on

2007-01-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

So, I was at the gym this morning getting back to my usual state of super-buffness when I saw something on the TV that shocked me.

That's right, the frickin' Power Rangers.

I don't get it. How the hell is this show still on?

Let's go down the list. Arrested Development? Gone. Freaks and Geeks? Gone.

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Still here.

And talk about morphin! Remember that sequence that used to show the average-shlubs turning into superheroes and then getting into their Voltron-like vehicles?

Well, that's pretty much the majority of the show now. It's like a stretched out, demented kiddie version of the heroin slam cut from Requiem for a Dream.

How perverse is that?

The "I have nothing to write" post

2007-01-03T13:23:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not have noticed, I'm running a little dry on ideas. Nothing comes to mind.

Literally, nothing.

When this happens, I go to wikipedia.org and look around. But I don't feel like writing about that either.

I will blame the lack of quality brain vomit on the year 2007, since everyone else seems so high on it.

Damn you, 2007!

When picking avocados ...

2007-01-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

Always bet on black.

Infinite Repeat

2006-12-27T13:34:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what would happen if you typed "image" into Google's image search?

I thought my computer would blow up, but evidently, all you get is some pretty sciency stuff like this.

Cool.

Pretty Pictures

2006-12-27T13:28:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to see if this picture posting thing worked. If you're wondering, this is not me; it's an anthropoligical view of Jesus.

Nice, eh?

Where's Luke?

2006-12-27T08:09:00.000-08:00

Skywalker, that is.

Lately, during my travels in and around Pennsylvania, I've noticed a lot of weird poles: metal spears rising from the ground, and terminating in some sort of triangular platform.

I have no idea what the purpose of these poles are or how far spread across the U.S. they are. The only thing I know is that they look eerily like that funky-ass platform from the end of Empire Strikes Back.

You know the one - the rickety thing supporting poor, handless Luke before Chewy and Lando rescue him.

The existence of said poles, I've concluded, leads directly to one, world-shattering new fact:

We are living at the bottom of Cloud City.

All I want for Christmas ...

2006-12-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

... is a Festivus Pole

http://www.festivuspoles.com/pages/Festivuspoles.htm

You don't need to be a Seinfeld fan to marvel at this design. It's like something out of a dream.

When the yellow fades, do the terrorists win?

2006-12-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

My friend lives in a slightly more "red-state" neighborhood than I do. And by "slightly", I mean "very" - lots of ugly plastic Christmas decorations, uncreative lawn configurations, and a yellow ribbon on every tree.

Or should I say ... a white ribbon.

Yes, those "Support Our Troops" ribbons have faded, as so many neo-con hopes and dreams of a rose pedal covered Iraq.

My question: Is there anything less patriotic and more embarrassing than a faded symbol?

No, no there isn't.

And that goes double for you, stupid magnetic ribbon bumper things!

Why don't I care?

2006-12-15T08:21:00.000-08:00

Last week, I was all about the James Kim tragedy.

This week, I could care less about the stranded climbers.

It's funny how compassion works, and I don't quite understand it. But if I see another news report with those three women holding each other's hands, talking about their husbands/brothers with all the emotion of an Ikea lamp, I might just wander up my local mountain and get lost myself.

Coffee doesn't work

2006-12-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

I'm not a regular coffee drinker and that's a problem. Especially when my eyelids are sagging and I just can't bring myself to think lucidly about which way staples go in the stapler.

When you're not a regular coffee drinker, and you get a cup of coffee, the reaction is a bit different. Sure, you perk up just the same, and your concentration is slightly better. But what you concentrate on is not healthy.

For instance, almost immediately after taking a few sips this morning, I immediately felt sad and paranoid. I kept thinking about my lack of contribution to a pub quiz game yesterday and became depressed about my precipitous decline in "smartness."

So, no more coffee for me. I shall, instead, slap myself repeatedly in the face while singing the unused Ween jingle for Pizza Hut.

http://www.dancingjesus.com/ween.htm

And on a similar note ...

2006-12-13T13:49:00.000-08:00

It may also come as no surprise that, had I had the opportunity, I would have totally pigged out on all of the whipped cream and chocolate sauce they had on Double Dare.

I don't understand how all the idiot contestants would just try to run through the obstacles without sampling some of that free dessert.

Mmmmmmmm, Double Dare.

Parmesan Cheese

2006-12-13T13:43:00.000-08:00

You ever wish those fake snow makers would blow out parmesan cheese?

And then you could slolem around meatballs through a glorious trail of pasta?

No?

I guess it's just me.

Addictive

2006-12-12T12:14:00.000-08:00

http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf

Theoretically, clubbing penguins is bad.

In practice? Mesmerizing.

Arggggggggghhhhhhhhh!

2006-12-12T07:17:00.000-08:00

Why do I want to see Rocky Balboa so much?

It's bordering on embarrassing how much I want to see this movie.

Can somebody please help me with this affliction? It might leave me permanently scarred with hope and optimism. And I'm way too cool for that.

I'm bad at Christmas

2006-12-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

I really am.

I don't send out cards, I don't have a tree, I don't decorate anything. I only get presents when I know I have to, and, even then, I deliberate over stupid decisions for hours on end.

I'm not religious, so I'm shielded from having to go to church and celebrate. But I don't even like most of the other aspects of Christmas: shopping, travel, charity (I hate the aggressive ones) and the news stories about people mad at the phrase "Happy Holidays". Who cares?

I'll say this once and with feeling: Thanksgiving is the best holiday.

The pet that doesn't love you back

2006-12-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

"Docile, except when awake."

Taken from a veterinary professor's lecture notes talking about hamsters.

Evidently, hamsters are evil, but gerbils are okey-dokey.

Go figure.

"Back of the baseball card"

2006-12-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

I want to start a new phrase. Well, it's not really a new phrase, but I want to start using it metaphorically and hopefully, it will catch on with the masses.

"Back of the baseball card"

I know not everyone collected baseball cards as a kid, but I think most understand that the back of the baseball card was a repository of all the player's stats. It was basically a quick glance at the what the player had done in the last few years.

Why can't we use this phrase in everyday life? So instead of saying, "Give me the rundown on him" or "What's the 411?", you can now say, "Give the back of the baseball card version" or "Just back of the baseball card it for me, ok?"

Doesn't that just sound cool?

Ok, ok, I know it has a lot of syllables and the whole thing jumbles together when said aloud, but you have to admit, it's got pizzazz.

And, sometimes, pizzazz is the only thing that matters.

Flintstones coming, Jetsons going

2006-12-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

In making fun of a co-worker for having a check-out process that's eerily similar to the opening sequence of the Flintstones, I noticed something peculiar.

The Flintstones opens with Fred leaving work and coming back home, whereas the Jetsons introduction chronicles the beginning of the family members' day.

This confounds me. Why wouldn't the Jetsons (which came later) stay with the same template established by the Flintstones? Is there a specific reason for this Bizarro opening?

Conspiracy Theory #26:
When Fred Flinstone gets home and goes to sleep, the slumber lasts thousands of years, and he turns into George Jetson, scrambling to get his family dropped off and his ass to work.

I bet the writers had this planned all along. What sadistic, sad geniuses.

The Perfect Screensaver

2006-12-07T06:12:00.000-08:00

I may be stepping on someone's invention here, but this could be really cool.

Basically, the screensaver I envision is actually a software widget that records up to a half hour of screen activity and is able to replay it in a loop when the user is unavailable.

In other words, this is the ultimate "looking busy" camouflage. Just do a half hour of work, engage the screensaver and zone out. You can literally fall asleep in front of your computer and you would be the picture of serene productivity.

Conversely, if you really step away from your desk, the screensaver would make it look like you're a supergenius who's reprogrammed a computer to do work by itself.

It's ingenious! And it will help me take over the world.

Bwahhahhahahahahaa!

Heroes vs. Lost

2006-12-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

Lost is better.

Things That Irk Me

2006-11-30T19:33:00.000-08:00

#49 - Guys that use an open palm to turn a steering wheel.

The Italian Notre Dame

2006-11-28T11:42:00.000-08:00

Why do the Irish get to have their own college football team? That seems unfair.

I think we should be able to designate one team for each race, ethnicity or nationality in this country, just so everybody has an excuse to check the score on a Saturday night.

So, for no reason other than its name ends in a vowel, I'm going to make Villanova the official Italian team.

I guess we'd have to change their name to the Fighting Italians, which seems completely redundant. Then again, if we're going with stereotypes, Fighting Irish ain't exactly rebelling against reputation either.

A Pixar Idea

2006-11-28T11:13:00.000-08:00

Someone was trying to describe stores like Marshall's and Filene's Basement the other day. And someone eventually came up with this little nugget:

"It's where clothes go to die."

Immediately, the idea for an animated movie popped into my head. You know how those Disney films like to anthropamorphize everything? Like bugs, toys, cars, fish, etc.

Well, what if you made the clothes the characters? And they're all hanging out in a discount store (or even thrift store if you want to open more possibilities) wondering when their days of not selling will come to a tragic end. That's good stuff!

Can't you totally see some glove or mitten searching for his little sister, the other glove? And there's the old sweater who is tucked so far beyond the other clothes that nobody realizes he's been there for twenty years. You can even make it a holiday flick - "Clothed for Christmas."

C'mon, it's a good idea! Pixar, are you listening?

On Marriage

2006-11-28T11:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, I think I've got it down. And I don't mean the whole "marriage" thing. That was a misleading headline.

I mean getting married, the whole concept of it. After an exhaustive survey of married couples and those couples weighing the big question, here's what it comes down to:

WOMAN to MAN: Shit or get off the pot.

MAN to WOMAN: What's the difference?

This is the fundamental problem. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, or what you like to do on Sunday afternoons if you're not a football fan. Ultimately, the woman will always have some sort of timetable for getting married and the guy will not understand how life will be different after marriage.

It's funny how un-unique we are.

White Papers & Torture

2006-11-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

A white paper is a long report produced by a company to explain (in great detail) a particular problem, issue, product, methodology or solution.

They are, without qualification, a torture to read.

So, here's my idea. We print out a big bunch of white papers - it doesn't matter which, since they are uniformally awful - and ship them down to Guantanamo Bay. If you are truly a terrorist, you will break somewhere into the third or fourth page.

If you make it to the end, you are an unfeeling, unflinching robot. And posssibly still a terrorist.

3 Things Your Blog Should Avoid (from a novice)

2006-11-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

At the risk of alienating the growing community of which I've just become a part, I want to impart some opinions I've formed from my quick tour of the blogosphere. These are things that generally turn me off:

1. Long posts

Before you even say it: yes, I do read books and I do read New Yorker articles. I am not a video-game savant, utterly opposed to reading pages of text. But not on a blog. I just don't care that much. Make a point or two, throw in a link or a picture, and post more later. Even the most coherent, funny, rage-filled diatribe will lose me after a couple paragraphs.

2. Posts with no words

A corollary of the last issue. Don't just post one photograph, one YouTube video, or one link. We can get those things practically anywhere. Give us a little commentary, even if it's a witty, one-word caption.

3. Ugly sites

Make your site as clean as possible. The average Internet reader does not want to read anything on a background other than white. At the best, it's distracting; at the worst, it's nauseating. I don't want to throw up on your blog.

Oh, one more thing: spelling and grammar count. They always do.

Doodles

2006-11-17T09:22:00.000-08:00

Simply the best word ever.

I always wonder just how famous I must become in order to have my doodles published. The only people that have succeeded are Presidents (there's a new book out on them) and Kurt Cobain (as part of the Journals book).

I have some pretty fantastic doodles. Can't we agree that a coffee-table book of ordinary people's doodles would be not only an interesting psychological/socialogical experiment, but the biggest selling book of all time?

Yes, I think we can.

Bobby vs. Rocky

2006-11-16T07:07:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you read magazines as much as I do (which is a lot), but there's been a slew of articles about Bobby, the new ensemble drama directed by Emilio Estevez. One of the main themes everybody seems to bring up is that this film, or rather, the incident that provokes this film, was a watershed moment in American history. When Bobby Kennedy was shot, America lost its innocence.

Boo-hoo.

It's not that I'm insensitive to such sentiment, but I wasn't alive back then and I somehow doubt the star of Repo Man can adequately convey the sense of loss stemming from just so significant an event. Which makes it somewhat ironic that I'm pinning my hopes on another 80s era icon that has gone back to directing: Sylvester Stallone.

Here's why:

http://playlist.yahoo.com/makeplaylist.dll?id=1521857&sdm=web&qtw=640&qth=400

I don't get it. Why is this movie pushing all my emotional buttons? I also wasn't alive when the first Rocky came out and have had only a passing interest in the franchise. But there's something here that makes me think more about America's loss of innocence than the slaying of our last great chance for an honest President.

Now, I haven't seen the finished film, but it already seem to represent the kind of movie that hasn't been made since, well ... the first Rocky. I'm all for postmodern irony, and big special effects and dark independent drama and all that, but when was the last time we saw something sincere; something emotionally honest? Rocky Balboa, the sequel (or re-hash) that it is, may not have an original bone in its frail, been-there, done-that body. But, hell, I feel inspired ... and that actually feels pretty good.

I want an old man crawling back in the ring to stand toe-to-toe with some primetime player. I want slurred speech, big montages, over-the-top emotion. I want a damn theme song that I can actually hum and feel better about myself and the world.

In short, I'm buying what Rocky Balboa is selling. To hell with all the cynics.

Yes, I figured it out

2006-11-15T19:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, I need mental help.

Me & Technology

2006-11-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

Why is a blog this difficult?

Why is my header not blue?

I think I figured everything else out. But I can't get the damn top of my page to be blue.

That green is really starting to irk me. Man, it's been a long time since I used that word.

Irk, irk, irk, irk, irk ...

Smart Dogs, Stupid People

2006-11-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

Who's a stupid person? You're a stupid person. Yes, you are. Aw, who's my stupid little person? It's you. Now, go potty.

And that's how we should talk to idiots who adopt a dog and don't have the common sense to get a good leash. Thus, the dog escapes. Thus, the dog gets run over. Thus, an animal who was saved from imminent destruction becomes just another statistic.

All because of people's stupidity.

Anyway, the conclusion was different (thankfully) but I'm sure this sequence of events happens all the time. Don't adopt a dog, have kids, get a goldfish, save a spider or do anything remotely thoughtful to life on this planet if you're an idiot. Because, inevitably, you will screw it up.

Happy Tuesday, everybody!

Does this guy ever post?

2006-10-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

No.

But since I just discovered that my friend is linking to this blog, the pressure is on.

So expect the unexpected. Unless the unexpected is dull, stupid and unfunny. Don't expect that.

Our Saviour Art in Heaven

2006-09-20T18:54:00.000-07:00

You know how, for every disaster, there's a Christian organization just waiting to be born? This is the part where I should give examples, but I can't think of any right now. Just trust me.

I was talking to my friend about this very subject and he agreed that if something were to happen to the shuttle again, that the Christian zealots would be foolish not to start some sort of charity website to capitalize on the outpouring of grief. (Keep in mind, I said "Christian zealots" not just Christians. Sheesh.)

Thus would be born ... Christ in Space, and its affiliate site www.christinspace.org.

Seriously, I can't believe nobody has thought of it before. Do people consider space too science-friendly and therefore not religious enough?

If Christians (or any religion for that matter) formed a closer bond with NASA and the space program, you could sign up kids by the boatload. I mean, as long as you don't worship space aliens and get all science-fictiony with it. That's just Scientology.

Robert Downey Jr.'s the man ...

2006-07-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

And Winona Ryder has big, animated breasts.

That's what I learned from a preview screening of a Scanner Darkly.

I don't think that was really the point of the film, but the whole "drugs are bad for you, even though this trippy movie makes them seem cool as hell" point was a little humdrum. Yes, I just used the word "humdrum."

So, the flick was pretty good, better than most critics say it is. Maybe it helped that I expected an absolute snooze-fest, like Waking Life (and that coming from a philosophy major who loves metaphysical snooze-fests), and was surprised by a pretty lucent, if meandering, little movie about drugs in the future.

By the way, Scramble suits are probably the coolest visual gadget to come along in quite a while, even though watching them makes me slightly nauseated.

RD Jr. owned the movie ... great performance. Keanu was actually pretty serviceable and Woody Harrelson had a throwaway part (although well-performed). Winona sucked, except as eye-candy, and even then she looked mildly retarded - an amazing feat for an animated film where flaws are automatically painted out as part of the process.

What does it say about your talent when you can't even act in an animated film? I don't know, but I'll just say that Winona might want to go back to stealing because parts for her will be drying up faster than babies in the desert.

Blogs Take Time

2006-07-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

And I don't have it. However, I will come here to discuss and publish my ideas. I hope that there's some sort of implicit copyright to this activity, or at least a basis to ridicule and undermine people who would steal my ideas. Anyway, here's one that almost shook me loose from my seat today.

Krog's List

Huh? Get it?

It's basically Craig's List for cavemen. You know ... where you get together and list useful items like clubs, tumbleweed and dirt and exchange information on to make your very own wheels and fire.

It's a joke, people. Surely one of you will buy it from me. I'll take any offers, even barter.

I see four black horses on the horizon ...

2005-09-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

"To the extent the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility," Bush says.

Holy shit! Was that an apology?

Bloggety Blog Blog

2005-08-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

One day, you will look back and remember reading this. And you will laugh.

"How could a simple peon like me," you'll think, "be so lucky as to happen upon the greatest blog in the history of bloggerdom. It is simply unfathomable."

Will anybody else have this feeling? Yes, they will. They will feel much the same thing that the people who read the first issue of the New York Times felt ... which, in short, is pride that they were able to read at all.

And read you must. For this blog will contain the least important, the most insignificant, and possibly the most incoherent crap you've ever read in your life. And if you don't read it, you will quite possibly die.

It is my fondest wish that you enjoy this blog and share it with your friends, and your friends' friends, and your friends' enemies, and your friends' enemies' enemies, as well as those who would play Switzerland in the morality play of your life.